i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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