I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
