I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize