i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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