I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
