Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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