Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
