we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
