A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
someone owes me an orgasm
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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