you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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