i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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