listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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