if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
