guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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