I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
