I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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