dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
