Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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