he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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