How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
