He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
