can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
