even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize