I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
