I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize