So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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