i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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