i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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