If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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