Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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