I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
