Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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