You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize