I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
