thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize