I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I supernannyed him into submission
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