The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
