how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
