how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
