At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
