I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
