..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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