I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
