I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
