she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
