im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
