Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
