i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
