Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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