I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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