I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
