I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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