We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
