whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
