She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
