She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
