would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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