i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
