He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
