I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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