Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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