arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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