That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
