she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
the raccoons are back...
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