i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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