my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His hands were made for my vagina.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
