I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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