Need sex. Gaining weight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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