Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
40s are totally the cure
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
