You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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