Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize