'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
