I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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