Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
