TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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