this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
