just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Semen is not good for contacts.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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