You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
