Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
