So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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