Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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