six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize