The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
