I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize