Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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