I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
