He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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