just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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