I puked a lego.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
