So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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