Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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