no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize