either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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